I remember holding him in the delivery room not wanting to allow the nurses to take him from my arms because I was afraid I'd never get him back. I also remember hearing the doctors tell me that his little baby heart was enlarged, his lungs hazy and there was some sort of mass in his abdomen, I remember feeling terrified that he wouldn't make it through the night. A couple of weeks later, I remember watching him sleeping in a car seat waiting for discharge. He was so tiny and fragile, but so content.
A couple of years later after he had experience a terrifying febrile seizure that the doctors couldn't seem to control, I remember hearing one of the ER nurses whisper to the doctor "He's not breathing" right before they ushered us out of the room, shut the door and drew the curtains. Later I remember sitting in the audience of his preschool graduation tearing up over how adorable he looked in an over-sized dress shirt he wore backwards (to simulate a gown) and little graduation cap.
On Sept 1, 2012 Jamie and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. We have had a wonderful marriage. I couldn't ask for a better wife, friend or partner. She has been and continues to be whatever I need, when I need it. I could not do this with anyone else. We've been through a lot in 10 years of marriage so we decided to have a little celebration and renew our vows to each other and our family. We had a little ceremony with the boys, our wonderful friends roasted a hog for us, and we had our favorite artist Jim Boggia come across the state to play a private concert just for our family and friends. It was a magical evening that we wanted to never end, but no matter how hard we tried we couldn't hold onto it.
On Sept 21, 2012 we heard the words "bone cancer" and were forever changed. No matter how much we want to erase that moment, it is with us every single minute of every single day. It defines our family. Everything we do is informed by those words spoken to Jamie by Dr. Decker "Mrs. Knox, Aidan has bone cancer." We just cannot escape them. Sometimes when I lay down to sleep at night they assault me with tremendous force. I imagine him not making it. I imagine him critically ill and in hospice care. I imagine trying to make it through a memorial service. Thankfully those moments pass relatively quickly. Sometimes I have to get up and do something else (surf on the computer, turn on the TV) for a few minutes and then try again to go back to sleep.
Even now though, we still have more good moments than bad and for that I am thankful. I just wish we could find a way to hold onto the good moments and make them last. Last Friday was that kind of night.
November 16th was the Zumbathon and Chinese Auction for Aidan, and even though I want to write about it, I'm a little hesitant. I'm afraid that I don't have the words to adequately describe what an amazing night it was, how loved we felt, and how grateful we were to not just be part of such an amazing event, but to be the reason for it.
The event took place at the 84 fitness center in the gymnasium. Jamie and I have been members of the fitness center for a long time. We've seen a lot of events hosted there over the years (blood drives, our kids birthday parties, other charity events, etc) and have never seen so many people inside that building. The registration line seemed like it would never end, and then when it finally appeared to dwindle, another wave of participants would show up and the line would once again stretch out the door.
Inside the building there were over 90 amazing baskets up for Chinese auction which were put together by my co-worker Cindy. She spent hours tirelessly working on the baskets and did an amazing job. The baskets were on display and open for bidding among 84 employees the week leading up to the Zumbathon. When the baskets finally made it to the fitness center and the auction opened to those buying tickets for the event, many of the "bid bags" were already nearly overflowing with tickets. There was good reason for that. I'm not a Chinese auction connoisseur, but I've seen a few at the races and events I've attended over the years. This Chinese auction was like nothing I had ever seen. Every single basket was something awesome. There were signed Steelers pictures, signed penguins pucks, a gift card tree, really cool beer and snack baskets, a night out at the symphony complete with dinner for two at Braddocks brassiere, passes to the Zoo attached to the biggest teddy bear anyone has ever seen. (I'm not exaggerating that bear was almost 5 feet tall.) Those are just the baskets that immediately come to mind. The auction was packed with fantastic items including two "silent auction" signed Penguin Jerseys (Mario Lemieux, and another signed by current players including Sidney Crosby.) The Auction was the talk of the office all week leading up to the event and all Friday night people were marveling at all the baskets.
The zumbathon part of the event was organized by our good friend Kate. If I had to describe Kate in one word it would be "inevitable." That may not seem like it makes sense, but to me it seems like the perfect word. When you hear that Kate is attempting a new project or venture, you don't question whether it will be a success, because it is inevitable that it will be. I don't know that we have ever known a more tenacious, determined goal oriented person. Since we've known her we have watched her organize successful charity events, her class reunion, and build her zumba class from teaching at a few places during the week to a successful local fitness studio with a full class schedule. when Jamie and I received a message from Kate a few days after our diagnosis telling us that she was going to organize the biggest and most successful zumbathon our area has ever seen, we didn't doubt it for a second. Last Friday night Kate delivered on that promise.
We don't have an accurate count of how many people attended, but I know that the entire gymnasium was full of people dancing, laughing and having a great time. Kate had an entire lineup of fantastic instructors who volunteered their time for the cause. I don't know a a lot about Zumba, but everyone we talked to said the instructors were top notch and it wa simply the best and most fun zumbathon they had been to. Music and photobooth fun was provided by our friends Jason and Janice of Hinkledire entertainment. Tickets, T-shirt and wristband sales were handled by Melissa, Maria, and Luanne. Everyone involved did a fantastic job making sure everything went smoothly throughout the night.
During the event Jamie and I floated all around the gym. We spent most of the event being embraced by friends, family and even strangers who had heard of Aidan's story. The sheer number of people in attendance was overwhelming, but what was even more incredible was that we knew most of the people in attendance personally. And we know that they would have been in attendance no matter what the event was (as I'm sure we'll find out this Sunday at the spaghetti dinner) I saw and hugged people I haven't seen in many years. We had friends drive over 4 hours to be there in support of our family. From the very moment we heard those dreaded words the outpouring of love and support our family has received has been remarkable. Friday night was just another example of that.
Near the end of the evening Jamie and I took the microphone to thank everyone and say a few words. I hope that we did a good job. It's extremely difficult to put the gratitude that we feel on paper and near impossible to do it in an impromptu speech. There aren't enough synonyms for "thankful" to adequately express just how much it meant to us to see so many wonderful people come together for Aidan and our family.
Even though we wanted to hold onto that night forever things were coming to a close and our youngest son Dylan took the microphone to let everyone know it was just about time to pack it up as he proudly exclaimed "I want to go home!" With that, Kate took the stage again to lead the cool down to "Live The Proof" I took this video on my phone so that I could hold onto that moment and also to show Jim just what and amazing impact his song was having on not just us personally, but all those people who were with us along this journey.
With the cool down finished, Cindy called the winners of the auction baskets. More hugs and thanks were given. Equipment and tables were torn down and packed up. The night was over. The moment had passed. But we will never forget all the hard work done by so many to make the zumbathon and auction a success. Nor we will forget how loved we felt by all those who attended to support our family. It was truly a magical night.
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